I realized that as of yesterday, we've had our sweet baby boy for exactly a month and I'm just now updating the blog! But let me tell you, there isn't much time for blogging with an infant in the house! He's sleeping peacefully now but its almost time for him to get up - so I'm going to make this quick!
After being licensed for 2 weeks, we received a placement! We had always believed the call would come in the middle of the night, so after we were licensed we went to bed each night wondering if the phone would ring that nigh and we'd wake up as parents!
The call for baby boy came around 12 noon on the Friday before Labor day! Titus was on his route and I was picking up lunch with my assistant principal. They called Titus first and then they called me. I ran out of the restraunt so that I could hear what the placement worker was saying. She asked if we would be interested in caring for a 5 month old, African American baby boy. She gave me some information, I asked a billion questions and finally I said, "Yes! bring him!" (I knew without talking to Titus that he had definitely said yes).
Seven days later (we had 7 days to prepare!), baby boy arrived at our front door with a big toothless grin and we've all been smiling ever since! He is super cute, full of energy, and very loved by us.
It has taken some adjustment entering the world of Foster care/Adoption and also becoming parents. We have lots of visits by our agency and by CPS. Lots of appointments and lots of paperwork. All of this in addition to still maintaining our jobs and both of us taking our grad school classes. But God is our strength! Every night we collectively thank the Lord for each other. Our family is uniquely designed by God and right now, all three of us are just basking in His love!
I can not tell you how many times I look into Baby Boy's big brown eyes and think to myself, "Oh, Lord, now I understand why" . I feel like I can not adequately or poetically express what I mean, so I just have to say it bluntly. If Titus and I had been able to conceive a child, Baby Boy would not have come into our lives. Having him here is worth all the pain and confusion we struggled with through our infertility.
Now, I have to warn you. I have turned into a very protective Mama Bear, and Titus is worse than me. We legally can't publish his name or photos on the internet and I will not share his personal information or the details of his case online. But I do want to keep you updated on the general process as much as I can.
Baby Boy's birth mother has a year to follow the parenting plan CPS has made for her. In the meantime, CPS is actively searching for family members who can care for Baby Boy. If his birth mother's rights are terminated and they can not find family to care for him, Baby Boy will be legally free for adoption and our prayer is that as his foster parents, we will be given the chance to adopt him.
I know that this all seems extremely hard and, believe me, it is. A day doesn't go by without me thinking about the possibility of him not being with us permanently. But as much as I love him, I also want what's best for him. I don't just think of Baby Boy as he is now, happy and content in his new home with us. I also think of his future and the pain and confusion he will likely go through as he gets older and begins to understand that he is adopted. Adoption is a wonderful thing but it is still a result of loss and although Baby Boy will know us as his parents, he will also likely feel some pain or confusion as a result of his loss. As a parent, I want to spare him from pain as much as I can. So we are trusting in GOD to do what is best for Baby Boy and also what is best for us.
I know that many of you have heard Laura Story's song, "Blessings" - I can't tell you how many times I'd be driving home from someone's baby shower or a dissapointing doctor's appointment and that song would come on the radio. I'd just cry and drive and by the end of the song, I had hope to get me through the next one. So I thought it would be appropriate to end this post with the lyrics to her song.
We love you, and we will keep you updated!!!
Blessings - Copyright © ℗ 2011 Laura Story
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
